Shopping, Two by Susan L.

It was a whirlwind shop yesterday. I used to hate shopping for clothes. It helped that the money was there, courtesy of the ODSP work start up funds, and the post-Christmas sales were awesome. The money went a long way. I think the pleasure yesterday was rooted in something much deeper than mere finances. It's another part of my foundation of truth clicking into place. As much as I love large flannel shirts and hoodies, it felt good to dress in a way that mirrored my growing self confidence with new clothes of my own choosing. Not that I am ungrateful for hand-me-downs or for the second hand stores which have mostly clothed me these last many years. Far from it. A garbage bag full of clothes felt like Christmas. It's just that the mirror used to reflect the shame of being fat and ugly and worthless. I confess the weight thing is on going. The meds don't help, that's for sure. In looking back, I was never truly fat. Built like a tank maybe when wrestling animals, hay and fifty kilo feed bags was the norm. Fat? No. Now I will classify myself as Rubenesque like the women painted by Peter Paul Rubens back in the early 1600's. Beautiful is definitely in the eye of the Beholder. "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation." Ps 149:4