Clarification by Susan L.

I confess I was angry and depressed when I wrote Saturday's blog, "Uplifted". Angry about the whole mess. Angry that feeling well and confident was so quickly slam-dunked this week. Angry that my hyper vigilance/noise sensitivity got fired up, making me even more jumpy. Angry at the nightmares. Angry that I couldn't relax. The joys of PTSD. Mostly I was angry at the nature of sin. In art therapy on Thursday night I drew a wooden crate containing all the sins that didn't belong to me. The ones I carried because of other's choices. They had blamed me for their actions, often to my face or where I could hear them. It's sad to think I ever believed them, that it was my fault they hurt me. That it was my fault they behaved the way they did because of my inadequacies. But I owned it. God has forgiven me for that. The huge crate was an ugly, dark picture that stirred up its own painful memories. I have laid it at the foot of the cross by tossing a sketch of it into the river nearby. I needed a physical action to mirror what I was trying to do in my heart. It worked and I feel much lighter. There is a plus side to the sensitive hearing. I could hear tiny rivulets of melt water trickling through the trees. The chickadees wings rustled as they danced from tree to tree. The rich symphony of nature's song of joy. Spring is here. "To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness." Is 61:3