The Double "F" by Susan L.

"If you can't forget, you haven't forgiven!" This particular teaching grieves me to no end. I may have written about it before but it bears repeating. Yes! We are told to forgive. Yes! We are to emulate our heavenly Father who forgets our sins the moment we repent and ask for His forgiveness. Thank You, Lord, for that gift. For little things, like when someone cuts us off in traffic, the forgive/forget can be as automatic as breathing. There is no personal attachment to that. Or maybe there is...we all have our triggers. I struggle with Post Traumatic Stress, a physical, mental illness birthed in trauma. Memories, charged with emotion can overpower me. These key events couldn't be forgotten because time and again the same core, hard and hurting memories explode, unwanted. However, choosing to forgive those who have hurt me in terrible ways has opened my eyes and my heart to healing and recovery. It isn't easy to sit in these memories but I need the Lord's insight and understanding about them. I ask Him outright, "What do You see?" Over time, He has replaced the harmful, worldly core beliefs birthed in these events with His truth. Most of these events have lost their power to disrupt my life. Although, a couple of weeks ago I did get sideswiped. That's okay. It means another layer of healing. "Where were You?" Initially, I asked that particular question out of anger. God has forgiven me for that. Now I want to find Him in every aspect of my life. Knowing where He was brings peace to otherwise traumatic events. It has taken time to get this far and mountains of paper, journals and tissues and tons of human support but now those same memories bring comfort. I was never alone and now, I don't want to forget. How can I allow the testimony of God's grace and awesomeness to remain untold? "Create in me a clean spirit, O God, anthd renew a steadfast spitit within me." Ps 51:10