Just Okay by Susan L.

It's funny how quick we are to say we're okay when someone asks, "How are you?" It was a long day yesterday with work and a trip to the city for the monthly PREFER meeting. My travelling companion wasn't able to go and I sorely missed her company. On the drive there and back, I ended up chewing over what's going on behind the scenes. Even though I gave the reqired response, "I'm okay" to those who asked. Most of my ruminations were about what happened over the weekend. It made me realize how insulated my life has been. Safe. As I worked my way to recovery only venturing out to seek help from my supports. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to function in the 'real world" for any length of time. My forays into church haven't gone that well. Okay. I'm being hard on myself again. The last nine years, I've been relatively alone due to several major upheavals in my life. My time has been spent in the resulting struggles with PTS and major depression. The related traumas of "losing my mind not once but twice have swallowed a good chunk of those years. Thank You Lord for this insight: the previous decade saw me grow more and more isolated. It's a tool of abusers as a means of control. It's been a long haul, really. Help me Lord, learn to trust in the way You have laid out for me. No matter where it may go. "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then You knew my path." Ps 142:3