Sore points by Susan L.

There's a good change taking place. I am starting to stop beating myself up for how long it has taken me to "get over" the hurts and traumas of my past. Writing my speech has made me realize how much has happened in the last nine years. There's been a long struggle just to find a caring and compassionate psychiatrist who would listen and hear what I have to say. It took a long time to recover from the doctor whose three half hour sessions left deep wounds. His way of dismissing me, as he scribbled madly in his notes was to point at the door as if I was a dog. He ignored my concerns about the meds he'd prescribed. Sure enough I was right, they were a huge contributor to my second trip to a mental hospital. (Yet another time eating struggle: finding the right meds.) Then there's the trauma of hospitalization. And it is terribly traumatic, "losing my mind". Being there and witnessing the nurses abusing another patient but being powerless and afraid to do anything has taken a terrible toll as well. The demeaning treatment took a huge chunk out of my fragile self esteem. Having read my hospital report, I was saddened even more. They'd missed the big picture and had used their omnipotent powers of mind reading to make assumptions about me that were way off base. (Don't worry, I know they don't have that.) But then, anyone who would bully the suffering and the lost doesn't care any more. The whole thing still angers me. I have often wondered why they have chosen the mental health field or why they remain in it. Being burnt out doesn't justify cruelty and negligence. It gives all the more reason why we need peer supporters in all hospitals. The system needs to be held accountable. I can say I am one if the lucky ones. I now have an amazing psychiatrist. It only took four years to find the right meds. And I have the best thing of all: my peers at The Krasman Centre. "And had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all she had and was no better but had grown worse." Mk 5:26