Sunday's guest speaker at church was another one of those male pastors who preach in an assertive, bordering on aggressive/angry manner. I don't go to church to be berated or beaten over the head by an idea. God should be the one who convicts my spirit. My friend left but I opted to stay hoping to ride out the building fear this man was triggering. The reason for remaining was the idea that some exposure therapy would be a good thing, to stretch my limits by remaining in his company.
I nearly took the chair out when I ended up fleeing. Primal instincts overrode logic. "NOT SAFE! RUN!" It wasn't a conscious decision.
It took several long hours for the last vestiges of the adrenaline rush panic to finally ease. In its wake were embarrassment, grief and regret. I wrote a letter to one of the elders to be forwarded to the congregation. It contained an apology for my sudden and rather inconspicuous departure and a brief explanation why. I also asked for prayers of healing for the PTSD and the chronic anxiety which is its bedfellow.
A couple people wrote back honouring the courage the letter took and how they wished they had the courage to leave as well that day. Thank You, Lord for letting me know I wasn't alone in my reaction to the pastor.
Nevertheless, this isn't about courage, this is about honesty. If it takes courage to be honest, what exactly are we doing each Sunday? A church family shouldn't be a group with secrets but it is. Judgement rears its ugly head all the time. Yes, there are those Christians who judge us, but we also do a find job of doing that to ourselves for our weaknesses, our trials, and a whole back pack of other issues. If we can't trust our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us bear our burdens, what are we supposed to do? This whole situation has left me feeling very, very sad.
The pastor's sermon was about evangelizing and growing our church. My son pointed out that Jesus' washed the disciples feet before He gave them the great commission to go out and make disciples of the world. It was one of the greatest acts of humility and love this world has ever seen.
We, as Christians, could do well to "wash the feet" of those who walk with us. It would strengthen our faith, our love and the ability to share the good news.
"Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him. "Lord, are you washing my feet?" Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this." Jn 13:6-7
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Boundary Study Part 2
"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy...
When I was younger, a man came from another city to speak at the church I was attending. I was very involved in this church - Sunday School, piano, choir, missionary group, bible study...even church cleaning. This fellow stood at the front and went on and on about how if you are not married there must be sin in your life. Are you kidding me??!! I was outraged. Not only was he displaying ignorance, but unbiblical ignorance. I was squirming in my seat. If I hadn't been needed to play the closing song, I would have left. I approached two elders and asked them to speak to him. They were hesitant since he was a visitor. I said I would then. I didn't care so much for myself, but there were 3 single women in their early 30's who already were bearing the weight of expectations.
ReplyDeleteToday I would have been braver. I would have spoken out.
Been assertive would probably go down ok - been abusive would not. I'm so glad you did the right thing for you. Plus, you shared your feelings with others so they too could be helped. Kudos.
Fear and anger are God given protections. What we do with them can often be the problem.
My verse of late: "When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Ps. 56:3-4
Thanks for sharing.
DeleteLord I lift up those who You have called to lead and teach. May it be only Your truth that comes from their lips. In Jesus' name, Amen.