Saturday 23 April 2016

It's a Stretch by Susan L.

  Last night, needing a diversion and not interested in what might be on the TV, I spent some time reading earlier blog posts. It's not something I usually do. The practice has been to mostly forget about the day's previous post once it's put online. What amazed me was the documentation of prayers fulfilled time after time. Little things, big things, all answered and I only went back to February.
  Gratitude and awe washed over me at being able to look back and see the hand of God working so clearly in my life.
  He's still at it. Again, in answer to prayers.
  Right now, seeing as I asked that God grow me to be better than I am, He is encouraging me to speak candidly about issues that bother me with those involved. It's really hard for me. Why? It's rooted in self-doubt. It's rooted in an ingrained need to people please. It's rooted in a reluctance to be vulnerable. It's rooted in fear...yah, that's the biggest because, once again, conditioning is my enemy.
  Help me, Lord, uncover the lies.
  "Don't rock the boat because things will get ugly really fast!" (Yes, they did, until I "smartened up" and shut up...but, that was then, this is now. Praise God!!)
  "It's your job to make others happy." (Really? That's taking on a whole lot of responsibility for something that isn't mine to bear.)
  "Just who do you think you are anyways?" (Nobody special, just a child of God. Oh. That is special!)
  "You don't know anything!" (Thank you Lord, for the ability to receive genuine correction with grace. Although, I confess I don't take correction from people very well, only You.)
  "You are not allowed to speak at all no matter what." (Oh, dear. To my grade one teacher, Mrs. Hagar: being banished to the corner for telling the girl in front of me where her eraser was was so unjust. It was the birthplace of this lie which the devil gladly reinforced time after time. Boy, those roots are deep!)
  All of these beliefs were nurtured and grown by circumstances, by relationships, by a life lived without the Lord as my cornerstone. I am so thankful He is in my life now.
  Forgive me, Lord, for believing these lies just as I forgive those who created them. Please replace these lies with Godly beliefs and responses. Mostly, help me let go of them once and for all. Continue to help me root out the evil in my life, the sin, in fact, anything that is not pleasing to You. In Jesus' name I pray.
  Forgive me, Lord, as well, for having taught others the lies I believed as truth through my own actions and responses. This, too, I ask in Jesus' name.
  "For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Eph 3:14-19

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